The Undertaker Kid Wrestlemania XIII unpublished WIPE & FLUSH interview

Would you beat the crap out of some other wrestler if the Undertaker asked you to?
Sure. Sure if he told me to go get Hunter. He's the one who I very much dislike. Hunter and I had some bad times before. But yea, if he told me, "go get this guy," sure.
Who's Hunter?
Hunter Hurst Helmsley. The guy with the blond hair and the real snotty attitude.
What happened with you and Hunter?
The night of the Slammy's, once it was already over and I was trying to find the undertaker...He was like behind me and he was kinda like pushing towards me or something and I told him "hold on." I said "back off" ya know? And then he got really snotty and he just said "screw you" and all this stuff and afterwards he gave me the finger and then I got in his face and gave him both of mine.
Damn!
Something like Stone Cold Steve Austin would do.
If you got in a plane crash on a small island and it was just you and the Undertaker that survived, And there was only one bug left for nutrition to eat, would you let the undertaker eat it, and die yourself?
Sure.
Yea?
Yea, honestly.
Would you kill your mom for the undertaker?
no.
NO?!
no.
WOW.
anyone else, yea.
Anyone else yea?
Uh yes. Put that in there.
Would you make out with the Undertaker if he was secretly gay and he thought you were cute?
Um...no.
Why not!?
It's just weird. We have that bond. I know you asked me "if he was..." I do happen to know that he is not right now but um...what the hell! Put yea then.
Do you wanna get buried alive like the Undertaker?
I've been in situations where I've been in, as the Undertaker would call it, "bottomless pit." In a cemetery one time, where you have bugs all over you and stuff. I do know what it's kinda like to be in that situation.
How do you know that?
Well, I've been in cemeteries at night. I admit it. It's very peaceful a lot of the time and sometimes it's not. And I've been in an actual grave at night. You know, I moved the wood and went in to see what it was like, to experience it when your still alive. And it's not bad I guess for guys like me and the Undertaker.
What do you think of Mankind?
Uh, he keeps getting in the way. He keeps getting in the Undertaker's way. I've seen him many times in the bars, hotels, stuff like that. When I finally met him I called out his name and he kind of waved to me. I ran up to him and...uh, this is a true story too...I asked him if he saw the broiler room in back of us because it's right by the Clarion...you know where that is?
YEA.
At the Rosemont Horizon (where Wrestlemania was held) there is an actual broiler room. I don't know why. I'm not making this up either. And I asked him if he saw it and he's like, "Yeah, I saw it back there." And then I said, "how 'bout you and me? One on one?"
Damn.
I did actually say that to him and I got witnesses on that too so if you wanna question them that's fine. I did actually ask him that and he just kinda looked at me and grinned. Goofy, like "Yeah, he'd like to get me in there". That's how I thought his face looked like.
The night of the Slammys I called his name, he looked at me, it was the first time I ever saw him with the mask on in person. I asked him if he remembered me. He shook his head yea. Then he threw up his right arm and I said "Aw! You finally got the claw on!" because I made a crack to him about when I shook his hand one time that he wasn't wearing the Mandable claw and I said,"oh, the Undertaker probably helped you take that off." I mean I said some really wild things to mankind that I know he didn't like.
So do you think he wants to kick your ass?
I don't know...I was serious about going at it with him one time. I really was. Overall, Mankind just keeps getting in the Undertaker's way.
Do you think the Paul Bearer left the undertaker because he wouldn't have sex with him?
Uh...no, that was not the case. Paul Bearer probably got tired of...I don't know, holding the urn. That's what I'm assuming.
Holding the urn. Yes.
I don't know that for a fact. Another reason I think the Paul Bearer left him was because he was tired of the Undertaker getting all the attention that Paul Bearer is not. I mean they're making Undertaker this, that, t-shirts, banners, and everything. Dolls, figures, and they're not doing that with Paul Bearer.
What do you think the Undertaker does for fun?
I guess he enjoys sitting with buddies having beer. I don't know if he ever walks around in cemeteries at night, I never got a chance to ask him that yet.
Was the Paul Bearer ever an asshole to you personally?
Well, at least to me, actually I think I was the only one. And I say that because I did see him on the night of the Slammys. I did see him signing autographs for other people and I heard that before WWF or Wrestlemania came into town, he was signing too. But when he took a look at me, he knew...I guess he saw what everyone else sees when they see me, the image of the Undertaker.
So he was disturbed?
Yea. Yea, he was. Actually we were even because I was very disturbed.
So, he asked you if you were on drugs?
Yep. That was Paul Bearer. And his exact words were, and I quote, "Oh my god, you must be on drugs."
And why'd he say that?
Again, its probably my image, the way I look, my physical outward appearance.
So what did you say to him?
Uh, I just kinda brushed it off. I was gonna say something but then the food started coming so I went back to my table because everyone else was beginning to sit down. Then in a little while I said, and I quote, "Let's go stir up some trouble". I went back over to the table where Paul Bearer, Vader, and Mankind were sitting and I just kinda leaned over to Paul Bearer at that point and whispered in his ear, "the reaper will get even with you." And then he responded, "AW! Kiss my ass!"
So what makes you the biggest fan of the Undertaker?
I would do anything for the undertaker. If he wanted to draw a skull, or some sort of weird ass tattoo, or anything that he wanted to say that he could draw on me, I'd get it done. If he drew a little skull or a big skull or whatever.
I mean if he wanted to draw one on my face, hell, fine.
So if he drew with a big Crayola marker all over your face, and he just drew a bunch of scribbles, would you get that tattooed?
Yea. I'll just come right out and say yes.
Amazing. Do you have any final comments or anything?
The Undertaker is the best. That's my final thought.